What do you look forward to?

For me it’s a pain free day. I really don’t like to complain but this blog was designed to be a place I could express my feelings and perhaps help others, especially those myeloma sufferers who are experiencing neuropathic pain.
Peripheral neuropathy may damage both motor and sensory peripheral nerves.
‘Peripheral’ means ‘situated away from the centre’ and refers to the outer areas of the body. ‘Neuropathy’ means ‘disease or malfunction of the nerves’.
Peripheral neuropathy can be acute or chronic. Louise, my pain nurse and I are trying everything we can to find the best combination of drugs to manage the pain. Not only is the pain very debilitating but the disease can also cause muscle weakness which is another of the symptoms that I am unfortunately experiencing. I have tried taking up to 70mg of morphine sulphate tablets topped up with Oramorph as required. This wasn’t succeeding in killing the pain so I am currently trying an increased dose of 75mg of Fentanyl that is given in two patches (50mg and 25mg) lasting three days. I can still take Oramorph as required. I shall just have to see how that goes, fingers crossed it does the job.

I also look forward to my foot massage at the Hospice today and the opportunity to ask them about acupuncture. I have read that for some people with this kind of pain, acupuncture works particularly well.

Another thing I am looking forward to is my party on July 13th. I can’t quite believe that’s only six weeks to go, hopefully I can get together with the party committee soon to check everything is on track. More payments are dribbling in which gives us a good indication of numbers. If you haven’t yet purchased your ticket I shall be sending you another reminder email this week. I shall also be sending out tickets and a map to all those who have kindly sent in their £10. Six weeks isn’t long and Colin is working hard trying to prepare our guest bedroom for visitors. Unfortunately we don’t have enough room to put lots of people up but there are a couple of travel lodges within about a five minute drive away, and people are welcome to camp as long as they bring along their own tent, caravan or motorhome. We shall be giving up our room for guests in preference for camping out in the field.

I am also very excited for the postman to come. This is a daily experience that happens when you start entering competitions.

I wonder what you are looking forward to, besides the party of course?

Deborah x

Waking up to the pitter patter…

…no not of a new baby or puppy dog I’m afraid (well I would be if it was, especially the first of those) but the rain, not so much pitter pattering but rather more heavy feet dancing on the roof of our tin can. Both Colin and I slept extremely well except for the interruption of an Oromorph top up at about 1.30am.

It is lovely to be here in Sheffield and we were treated to one of Aunty Judy’s famous roast Sunday lunches with proper home made Yorkshire puddings yesterday, even though it was a Monday. Being here is like being wrapped up in a warm cosy duvet. It is very homely and we are so well looked after. After lunch Colin and I retreated into Helga our Hymer for an afternoon nap, (I blame the tablets), before joining Uncle Ken and Aunty Judy for a Yorkshire brew and home made flap jacks. Chatting away, swapping stories and me learning more about my early childhood. The parties with Jarvis and Saskia, homemade dresses carefully sewn by Big Nannan, who was actually quite small, but bigger than my great grandmother who was known as Little Nannan. It was a lovely afternoon full of laughter and topped off by a very kindly thought of, a bowl of chocolate covered peanuts, in front of Coronation Street.

The signal of the open curtains this morning lets us know that the breakfast lounge is open so I must finish off here. I have been promised a lovely warm bath and a variety of breakfast options.

Have a lovely day and take a moment to remember just how important family are.

Love Deborah .

Living a decadent lifestyle.

Look whose joined me in bed this morning. imageFrodo is not usually allowed on our bed or even upstairs but seeing that we have stolen his space and are still camping out downstairs, I think he can be excused.
Yesterday I spent the whole day in bed, well I have got cancer you know, not that I need an excuse but laziness is not a trait I have or am comfortable with. It is good however to lay in bed when I don’t really need to and it’s more out of sheer naughtiness. So laying in bed yesterday (and you never know, if I dare, perhaps again today) was out of choice and I really appreciated that. As I laid here I watched the world happening around me. Colin busying himself with trying to fix the ride on mower again, thinking he had achieved it, triumphantly waving from the field only to do one lap before puffs of smoke (coming from his ears not the mower) prevented any more and in sheer frustration he started to push the petrol mower around, taking him about three hours to finish. Mummy arriving with moss and plants to fill the hanging baskets and then planted beans and wandered around with the watering can. All this as I lay rather guiltily eating chocolate peanuts and reading my Jerry Springer style magazine. Later cheese on toast was presented to me in bed, followed by the last but two of Kate’s rather lovely home made rock cakes. Then Kate popped by and joined me on the bed as we giggled like naughty sisters do, and checked plans for the party noting who had and hadn’t yet purchased their tickets. If we were going by purchases alone we would only be having fourteen people turn up! I do however know the other hundred or so of you will get round to it very soon. The retired vicar was the next to pop in and share a cuppa and the last of the rock cakes. I then put on a hat (as you do when the vicar arrives) in rather a jaunty fashion as he photographed me, whilst siting up in bed and interviewed me for the next edition of the Village Voice. It all happens here in Hinxworth you know. The next to arrive were Colin’s parents, Keith and Shirley. Shirley bought a food parcel consisting of a homemade toad in the hole and accompanying vegetables, fruit crumble and cream, some rice, cherries, apricots, half a bottle of wine, a bottle of beer, a couple of onions,carrots and potatoes and a tin of fruit. Maybe she knows something I don’t, or is just hankering back to the day she was evacuated from London during the war? Oh yes and I mustn’t forget she bought a very welcome, tin full of homemade rock cakes (just in time as we do hate to be without in case the vicar calls again). Now you might think that was it for the night as by this time it was approaching 7 pm but no our next very welcome guests were Sue and Angela with their little dog Hattie. Colin and Sue went off on a long dog walk whilst Angela and I roared with laughter together, over wine and more kindly donated packets of chocolate peanuts, at the odd and very scandalous stories in the Real People magazine. “Soul Mates – when Angela went clubbing she met a disco diva with a difference” in the story Angela 29 stone and in a wheelchair suddenly realised she was a lesbian as her eyes met across the dance floor with 6 foot tall and 20 stone Cherilyn. Honestly I only bought the magazine for the competitions in it! At an offering of two thousand pounds per story, I suppose people will go to any lengths to get their story published. Instead of writing a book I ought to be thinking up a story I could submit for publication. This is a normal magazine not one of those top shelf (if they still have such a thing)or brown bag saucy mags! Well that was it for the night Colin and I finally settled down to our hot chocolate and still in the same bed in the conservatory I slid further down the duvet for another night of indoor camping.

This morning the sun is shining brightly and the view has only been improved. Why would you get out of bed? Perhaps it wouldn’t be considered as being so lazy if I actually got down to writing a chapter or two today? If this is what retiring is going to be like, bring it on!

I hope all you lovely people, who are going out to work, have a good day. And for any of you who are ladies that lunch please feel free to pop round and share a chocolate peanut or two.

Deborah xxx

PS Apologies for the return of the explanation marks, Uncle Jack!

Postponed

I am sure other myeloma friends will be able to relate to how difficult it can be when you build yourself up for a procedure and then it doesn’t happen quite as planned. Don’t get me wrong, I can thoroughly understand and I am grateful for, my consultants decision to postpone, which he made with my very best interests at heart, but it is still very disappointing. The harvesting of my stem cells doesn’t come without its own complications, and the first few hours of yesterday afternoon were spent with Jude, my new harvesting expert, who excellently and very patiently took me through the procedures and processes of what to expect over the next couple of weeks. This included the possible side effects of the large dose of chemo and how this and my daily injections worked with my bodies own systems. The chemo is given to kill off my grown up blood cells encouraging the bone marrow to produce the stem cells which are baby blood cells that have yet to be given a job, i.e. become white blood cells, red blood cells or platelets. Timing is of the essence in collecting the stem cells so special blood tests are carried out to establish exactly what stage you are at. The process can cause bone pain especially in the pelvic area where the biggest mass of bone marrow is. Imagine a piece of bone marrow stuffing itself with baby cells pushing themselves against the sides, ready and eager to come out. My special stem cell collecting machine needs to collect these at the point when they are ready to burst out like a fountain, too soon and there won’t be enough in there and too late they will have already burst out into my blood stream. Both the drug I inject myself with and the bodies own system will be promoting the growth of these new baby cells because the chemo has killed off all or most of my grown up blood cells, this is why at this point I am Neutropenic, meaning I have a very low red and white blood cell count making it easy for me to pick up nasty bugs and then harder for my body to fight infection. Because of this I have to be very careful in ensuring as best as possible I don’t pick up a bug from other people or certain unwashed or uncooked foods. It all makes so much sense now and both Colin and I are very grateful for Jude’s excellent use of drawing and metaphors to help get the message across. Whilst with Jude, I also got to see another patient in the full throws of harvesting with blood coming out of one arm and being put through this amazing machine and then fed back into the other arm. So you can perhaps imagine how I felt after hearing all this and confirming all my dates, I then go to see the consultant who thinks we need to postpone the whole process! The reason for his decision is that my peripheral neuropathy has reached such a peak and the side effects of the next chemo could make the pain worse, that it is best to wait until my pain subsides a little. The good news is that he is at least hopeful the pain will reduce if not completely go away. I also discussed with him the idea of possibly retiring due to ill health and although he said he couldn’t decide for me, he thought this was a sensible route to take. Unfortunately with Myeloma it is never a clear picture as to what will happen next and within what time frames. Some people come through the transplant well others don’t come through it at all. There is definitely one clear thing and this is that, at this moment in time, there is no cure for myeloma and it won’t go away of its own accord. So I might as well enjoy the periods of being well, inbetween the times when I will be requiring some sort of health interventions, doing something I enjoy with my husband and family rather than spend these times working at fighting somebody elses health battle. Especially when I am ill and requiring more treatment again I will be back on half pay and after another six months on no pay at all.

Still I don’t have to make any sudden rash decisions I am just chewing over the fat and thinking what is the best for us all, like I said yesterday I wish I wasn’t in this bloody position in the first place but I am, so that’s just that!

I may just stay put today, in my conservatory bed looking out on this magnificent view whilst writing another chapter of my book.

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Best Wishes to you all

Deborah xxx

You are never too old or ill….

…to go camping even if it is in the conservatory.
image
It is so romantic and exciting decorating the place with candles and snuggling down with a hot chocolate. Colin and I are so lucky to have found each other, we never bore of each others company even though we are spending much of every day together nowadays. All of this makes it so much harder to bare to think I have a life limiting disease. I just need to make the most of the time I have and this is why I am considering taking up the option of retiring early due to ill health. Especially if I am only going to get half pay when I am off sick which unfortunately I am bound to be again and my entitlement to full pay runs out in June. Having said that, this is a very difficult decision to make. I have spent the majority of my life working in mental health, passionate about making a difference and reducing the stigma surrounding mental illness. If I take the option that gives me the biggest lump sum which is the most sensible offer to take, I will never again be able to work in the NHS. At least I will be leaving on a high I suppose. I have designed and developed a service to improve children’s mental health that is working very well even without me there. I know we have long waiting lists but really that’s only a sign of our success and if properly funded in the future this can be addressed. But I would be losing a hell of a lot, I have built up lots of friendships with my colleagues and genuinely feel cared for and respected by them, but there is my husband and family to think of. I have given over most of my time to my job over the last fifteen years at my husband and families expense, often working late into the night and at the weekends. I need to think realistically and that means facing the likelihood that I may not reach retirement age. If I do retire early it will be a struggle to make ends meet but we will have each other and I am sure we will manage somehow. I am so ANGRY that this blasted disease has put me in this position but it has, I just have to accept it and learn how to live with cancer.

Today I get to go up to London again for some tests, a two hour meeting with the Harvesting Nurse so that she can explain the side effects of the treatment I have to endure next and gain my consent, and a consultation with the doctor. I have a list of questions prepared and will ask his advice on taking early retirement. I have been avoiding the ultimate question but I think I need to take a deep breath in and ask in likelihood how long do I have.  Even thinking and writing this down brings tears to my eyes and again begs the question why me? I haven’t done anything wrong and all my life I have only wanted to help people, it just seems so unfair. Sorry rant over, I suppose this is what this blog is all or at least partly about. Getting it all out in the open, letting go of my feelings and sharing them with those of you kind enough to listen and read my blog. Thank you again for sticking with me through the thick and thin.

Talking about happier times I have a party to get sorted. So far only five people have purchased their tickets. The idea behind you paying for your tickets now is that we get to know numbers. So please do purchase yours and if you haven’t received your invite and payment details send me an email please. If you don’t like paying using bank transfer send me an email and let me know you are definitely coming and we will sort something out. It is only just over six weeks away. Thank goodness for those lovely people who helped to clear the barn out. I must now get on with making tablecloths, decorations etc. I think we need another party committee meeting I am starting to panic a little, all quite unnecessarily I am sure.

Well I had better get out of my camping bed before the postman or someone else turns up and wonders what’s going on, not that I am really that bothered!

Have a good day and like I say over and over again do try to appreciate it, time is the most precious resource around so spend it wisely.

Love Deborah x

I think I need to perk up …

…..my writing. I am aware that it may be becoming a little dull and samey (another one of my made up words). Do you really want to hear about the lovely time I had with my friends yesterday morning or that the retired vicar popped in for a very welcome chat? Or that Jem and Elliot surprised us with a visit and I was able to spend some valuable time with my gorgeous grandson? All very exciting and perhaps interesting for my very closest family members but I do now have over 250 followers and not all of you are related. The difficulty is, and I may have touched on this before, is that my audience is so mixed. Some of you are fellow myeloma sufferers, others old and new friends, and some professionals I have known through work or who have been told about my words of wisdom and have added me as one of their facebook friends or started to follow me on twitter. And then some of you need to have the blog published before 7am so you can read it on the train into work others like to read it over their morning cuppa. You see I am sensitive to your needs so I want to ensure this blog isn’t all about just little old me, Role Model of the Year. I am still a little shocked by my new title and look forward to seeing the pictures and write up in our local rag.

But if I don’t write about myself, myeloma or mental health I wonder what else of interest I have to share. Maybe the subjects mentioned do suffice and I am just becoming paranoid, something perhaps I need to discuss with my psychologist on Friday. For now I shall continue as before. I guess that as I have had over 20,000 views and received more than eight hundred comments I must somehow be on the right track.

Today I will have another free complimentary reflexology session at the hospice, one of the benefits of having Cancer. We will then have a visit from our accountant who has kindly offered to give her much welcomed advice on our financial circumstances and the benefits of retiring early. The more I think about it, the more I think it might be the right the way to go. Their is no point in kidding myself, my life has been shortened and it could be that I only have a few years yet to go. Should I be spending that time working or enjoy time with my husband and family. If I do manage to last ten years or more it will be a bonus. I just need to think of it as if my life has been fast forwarded and I am now at the age of retirement. I think that retirement needs a little while to get used to and for most people they have a few years to think about it as the date looms closer. I have had it shoved in my face and need to make some quicker decisions. The problem is that it is hard to think straight when you are pumped up with opioids and other medications and distracted by pain. I find it hard to remember what it feels like to be pain free. And then even if I do decide to go down the pension route it is up to the state and somebody in government as to whether they will grant it to me on the grounds of ill health. Perhaps all will become clearer following this mornings meeting.

I must try to take each day at a time but this week is pretty busy and is a build up to my next dose of chemo something I can’t pretend to be looking forward to.

I hope your Monday is a good one, perhaps today the postman will start to bring me news of a competition prize.

Deborah x

Tonight’s the night….

….where I may possibly be crowned Role Model of the Year. Thank you to whoever put my name forward. I know both my lovely husband and amazing sister nominated me for the prestigious title and I feel very humbled that they did such a thing and think me worthy of the title, that is enough of a prize for me. There are four other people that have been short listed in my category so I have a one in four chance of winning which isn’t bad odds. Talking about winning I am starting to feel very excited in the mornings waiting for the postman. I have entered quite a few competitions lately so I am visualising the winning envelopes and prizes to start arriving very soon.

Yesterday I really enjoyed my visit to the Hospice where I had a lovely aromatherapy massage and then a long chat with the doctor. The doctor at the hospice used to be one of the GP’s at my practice in Letchworth and his kids used to go to the same school as mine. He also used to be a mental health nurse so we had lots to chat about. Together we decided to try and increase the pain killer Gabapentin before going on to the patches and seeing if this made a difference to my pain. I have to step up the dose slowly so it may take a while to notice any difference.

I spoke to my HR department yesterday and it seems that they take into account any previous days sick when calculating when I would need on go on half pay. Unfortunately I had taken a couple of weeks off in September for anxiety due to my para proteins rising so quickly and me feeling understandably very worried about it. I just hope the half pay will not effect my pension as I am still contemplating applying for early retirement on the grounds of ill health. I am also concerned that when I return to work if I need to go off sick again in the same financial year I will only be paid half my salary and after six months of this I will not be paid anything at all. I have never been great with finances but I think I need to think about other ways of making money which brings me on to the book idea once again.

I hope you don’t mind me using you as my brain storming group? I did a little bit of research last night and I couldn’t find any easy to read books for patents who may be worried about their child’s mental health. All I could find were books aimed at professionals or books on specific topics such as ADHD or depression for example. So I do think there is a market there. So first of all I need to think of a book title. I think it needs to clearly spell out what it aims to do so the best I have come up with is. ‘Are you worried about your child’s Mental Health? A guide for parents and Carer’s.’ I know it doesn’t appear to be a very snappy title but its quite clear and simple I think and I wanted to imagine what a parent would type into google or Amazon if she/he was looking for such a book. I want the book to be quite basic, of few but important and relevant words and some nice illustrations. I want it to be easy to read and jargon free which might be where I need your help. Having been in mental health for many years now I may slip into jargon mode thinking unfairly that other people will know what I mean, so do let me know if that happens please. I will break the book up into age categories. For example birth to two years. What would make a parent feel concerned about their babies emotional well being between those ages. You would be surprised that many people do worry about things such as, should I leave my baby crying or my two year old is very clingy to me and I find it hard to leave him with anyone. Many parents are concerned that these things may cause their child to have or be having poor mental health or at least emotional problems. Between these ages there could be some signs that the baby isn’t developing as he or she should be so the book could point them in the right direction and towards the appropriate professional to seek advice from. There is a lot to write but as I said earlier I want to keep the book as easy to read as possible because there are already books out there that are far more academic.

So I have the book to think about today and the great problem of what am I going to wear tonight? The tickets state smart dress so I will have to dig something out of the back of the wardrobe and hope it still fits as I have put on quite a bit of weight lately. My excuse for the weight gain is that I need quite a good pinch full of fat around my tummy to inject the growth hormones into, so I have had to eat a lot more cream cakes lately! Hmmm perhaps I may have something left over from the Village Secrets event. Is it really almost 9am? Colin has already gone on his long walk with the dog and is offering to cook me breakfast now so I had better get up from my warm cosy bed and slowly meander downstairs. See having Cancer does have its advantages!

Have a great day today. I have a funny feeling today is going to be a good one now come on postman where are you?

Deborah x

The good, the bad and the downright ugly again…

The good from yesterday was that having a blue badge meant shopping in Canmbridge was made so much easier and I was able to pick up a few bits and pieces for Pollyanna’s birthday. It is however a shame that I got a blue badge because of my inability to walk very far which struck true once again yesterday.

Another bit if good was seeing Amanda, one of my nurse colleagues and a kind friend. It was good to catch up and I really appreciated her gifts of cream cakes and a lovely fresh loaf of bread, plus the best wishes she brought with her from other work colleagues.

The bad is the news that as from June 7th I will be put on half pay. I need your help a bit here please. If I went off sick on the 7th of January, when would you therefore calculate my six months was up? I think I have worked the date out differently than HR so I would be interested to see your calculations. Anyway the bad thing is that we will have to try to manage on half the salary or I will somehow need to try to get back into work, although my Stem Cell harvest only finishes on June 4th. If they have got the date wrong I will be in a much better position and hopefully recovered enough to make a phased return.

The ugly was the standard letter I received informing me of all of above. This luckily turned into something good or at least not quite so ugly with an email, following my concerns from our chief exec who has given me the opportunity to try and help make sure this doesn’t happen again. On the whole I work for a very caring organisation but just occasionally areas for improvement pop up. The letter has caused me unnessesary upset which I could do without right now but it has at least definitely highlighted an opportunity to make changes and ensure this doesn’t happen again and is quickly being addressed.

Maybe I am rather Pollyannerish but where I can I do like to change a negative into a positive and with a little practice it’s not usually that hard to do.

Today I am having a telephone consultation with ’employee assistance’ which I think are a private company who I presume try and support employees find a solution to a particular difficulty that may have arison through work. It will be interesting to find out anyway.

This is followed up by an assessment of need at the Hospice and then a consultation with the doctor there. This will all be enough to finish me off for the day.

I would like to take this opportunity to thank a rather special lady (she will know who she is). She regularly emails me always stating she doesn’t expect a reply, but sends me words to cheer me up and make me laugh or to remind me that she is thinking and praying for me. It may only seem a little thing to do but it is making a big difference. I don’t know this lady particularly well having only met up and worked together a few times promoting the MacQueen Awards that are presented yearly to nurses, health visitors or nursery nurses who can demonstrate excellence in practice or research. I was luckily enough some time ago to be one of those nurses and I won enough money to get a number of the children’s book ‘Sticking Plasters for Children’s Souls’ printed and given out or sold to make more money for resources. So again a big THANK YOU to this very special person.

That has reminded me to keep the funds flowing in I do think I need to write another book. I am thinking of writing one called ‘When to worry or Not’ providing a short easy to read guide to what is normal at different stages of a child’s life and when it maybe important to seek professional help in relation to children’s mental health and emotional well being. What do you think of that idea for a book?

From my bedroom window the sun appears to be shining although yesterday I was shocked with how cold the weather had become again. It does seem ridiculous that some parts of the country are getting snow in May.

Well despite the coldness I hope today provides enough heat, from the kindness you experience, to keep you warm all day long. The kindness is there if you just take a moment to see it.

Take that moment today

Deborah x

Did you watch Frankie…

…last night on the box. It’s a new drama about a Community Nurse struggling to have a good work life balance with work being given the priority over her relationships. It was all a bit too close to home. When I think how many extra hours I have given to the NHS never mind money I have spent from my own pocket to buy biscuits, lunches etc for work meetings and training. I feel guilty that this was taking something away from my own family. Having said that if asked if I would do it again, I would find it difficult to say no. I think it’s so important to act as a good role model as a single person or whole organisation and that means caring for each other first. If staff don’t feel as if they have been treated well and fairly by the trust they work for its not a good start and doesn’t make us stand out as a caring organisation. Human resources have a very important part to play in the care of patients even though they may never have direct contact with them. This must start with the staff working in Human resources feeling valued and cared for.

If and when I return to work I would love to work more closely with staff to ensure that they feel supported by their organisation and that they are working as part of a big team to provide excellent community care at all times. There should be zero tolerence to bullying in the workplace and staff should feel comfortable to whistle blow if they witness any unsafe or unsatisfactory practice. All NHS Trusts must act in a way that the general public and the staff within those organisations feel they can be trusted and proud of the care delivered. I have always felt very proud of Step2 and would hope that all the staff in our service feel cared for and supported in the excellent care they deliver.

I am not sure who nominated me for Role Model of the year but sadly the tickets have all run out so if you were hoping to come along on the night you might need to go on a waiting list for tickets now. I am also not sure I deserve such a title but I know I did put out a plea through my blog to nominate me if you thought I deserved such an honour. All these ideas seem great at the time but now I feel a little embarrassed and anxious about the night. At least I may get a chance to highlight the importance of good mental and emotional health, I may even be able to put in a plug for our own service although I know we are currently drowning in referrals and the waiting list is growing.

Why are so many more children and families turning to a mental health service for support? I wonder what your thoughts are?

I shall leave that one for you to ponder on but do write and let me know if you think you have the answer.

Deborah x

Home visits.

Did you know doctors still do home visits? Well I must admit I thought it was a bit of a rarity nowadays but my GP came to see me at home yesterday. She is only a young girl, well much younger than me anyway, and she came at the request of my pain nurse. It got me thinking that I must be costing the NHS a lot of money. I have the wonderful team at UCLH which includes my consultant, drug trial assistant, and a team of nurses who I can contact 24 hours a day for advice. Then I have a Palliative care nurse who belongs to a team that I can contact 24 hrs/ day for help and advice and now the team of doctors and nurses at the hospice that I can also contact 24 hrs/day if I or Colin are concerned. I am certainly getting my monies worth from the NHS and it makes me feel even more appreciative of the great services it offers. I am hoping with all this help and expertise I will be able to get this pain under control.

The view from my window is very deceitful because according to today’s weather forecast its going to be cold and rainy but I can only see blue skies. The weather forecast is a funny thing. I have often wondered how many times do they get it right, is it 50%? Sometimes they cover their backs by giving every weather combination they could. For instance ‘It’s going to be warm with some cold spots, sunshine in places with rain and perhaps snow and frost in higher places around the country’ It all seems a bit of a guessing game to me.

Maybe life is a bit of a guessing game, you never really know what is going to happen next, what is around the next corner. I wonder if there is a more intelligent race playing with our planet like some elaborate reality matrix game. Moving the pieces around perhaps buying more points or coins to enable the player to send us off in a different direction. Or is it God or the Universe and we are the pawns to be moved around like pieces on a giant chessboard. Where would visualisation fit in to that picture. Are some people just lucky or do we make our own luck. I think it’s a bit of both and a mixture of all of above.

I have been more lucky than unlucky in my life and I intend to keep it that way. I think it’s about how we use or see life and embrace all it has to offer. I have so much more yet to learn and share. I am on a continuous journey and cancer has certainly highlighted some parts of my life that needed changing and it has given me new opportunities to explore.

So much to think about.

Go out and embrace the world today. Imagine it’s going to be your luckiest day ever and that you feel really excited and ready to receive all the gifts coming your way and let me know what happens.

Be excited, today is the day!

Deborah xxx