Fantastic news alert

I have won the drug lottery, my ticket has been picked out of the hat!

My lovely research nurse rang to tell me the good news, rescuing  me from a weekend of anxious waiting and topping off what really was a  wonderful day.

I am not usually a great fan of my birthday, the weather is often pretty rough and we are all about done with parties, and recovering from the Christmas festivities. Last year I had just received my myeloma diagnosis and this year it has all come back to haunt me. However I was determined not to be downhearted and to thoroughly enjoy my celebrations.

Official birthday photo’s (courtesy of Keith Bone)

The day was filled with love, kindness, family and friends. Mum and dad had helped to clean the house, and our best friends brought along a delicious homemade lasagne. Allison, another good friend and fantastic baker, turned up (as I had secretly wished) with the most delicious, light sponge, chocolate cake which very quickly disappeared.
Then throughout the day friends and family popped in with birthday surprises and I felt thoroughly spoilt.

Just look at these…


My new sparkly chemo slippers, one click together and I’m back home.

Talking about coming back home, Seb owes me a birthday hug so I look forward to receiving that, when he returns for a visit sometime in Spring. Meanwhile may I proudly share an article all about his work, recently published, in a well known American music magazine and another article from Pollyanna that appeared in yesterday’s Guardian. Both Polly and Seb are driven by their passions and work very hard doing jobs they love. This is for those of you who haven’t already caught up with all of this via Facebook.

Elliot learnt how to say “Happy Birthday Grandma”, Jem is a great mum and teacher. After a walk out in the fresh air, and lots of birthday cake I think Elliot had just about had enough partying. So to top it all Elliot and Jem stayed the night providing the perfect ending to a very happy birthday.


Thank you all for your company, cards, presents, emails, comments and good wishes via Facebook.

Have a great weekend xxxx

Today’s going to be a good day!

Starting off with this, please take a moment to listen before reading on, its quite uplifting.

That’s the spirit I am adopting, so no more doom and gloom, especially not on my birthday.

That doesn’t mean I am not going to be realistic. I will continue to share my ups and downs because you are all such good listeners.

Yesterday was a seven hour hospital marathon. It started with a good old cry in the Macmillan centre with the lovely Vicki reminding me that I am not Superwoman, and there I was looking forward to squeezing into that sexy outfit. I may just do that still.

It was then off to see Dr Rabin, there were no hugs, no mistakes, just him telling it as it is, in a calm professional manner, whilst I tried to pull myself together. So I signed on the dotted line to take part in the trial. This will enable me, to at least be in with a chance, of receiving the drug that we all think is the one best for me. Whether I win this lottery or not I shall be starting on 6-8, 28 day cycles of chemo in a week or so’s time.

Bring it on! This time I know what’s coming and I shall be ready for you!

Following my consultation, we got to hang out for another 3 hours in the Macmillan Centre, where we get free cups of tea, tissues and plenty of sympathy. We then made our way over to the main hospital and I was able to have my MRI scan slightly earlier than planned.

I really don’t recommend lying for 45 minutes in a narrow tunnel with back pain and worst of all hot flushes. And, just when I thought it was all over, they pulled me out only to give me an injection and send me back in again for a further 10 minutes. You don’t need to join any endurance boot camps and crawl under ropes and jump into buckets of ice water, the NHS has it’s own free course you can try and get through!

We had planned to meet Pollyanna at the hospital so we could give her a lift home. But our lives are not without drama and she turned up wheeling in one of her colleagues who had collapsed in the cab they were sharing. Whilst she sorted her friend out I put my mental health skills to good use. I must just have the sort of face that says come and tell me all about it. The room was crowded,so why pick on me? Do I have an invisible badge that’s says ex psychiatric nurse open for business?

So firstly it was a lady who was searching for her lost flask that she was worried might have been poisoned. Her poor grown up son was running after her and looking rather embarrassed, as she told me all about how she thought her shoulder had turned to glass and that she was pleased that the X-ray had confirmed that she would live another day. And, by the way, her son doesn’t tidy his room.

The second was a sweet elderly lady who felt she needed to off load her story and concerns. It was all about her husband and his move from one hospital to another after a suspected stroke, how he nearly had a yoghurt that he shouldn’t have and how she struggled to put credit on her phone. I found out she lives round the corner from my Uncle Jack, but I remembered my training about not offering lifts home to people who may prove to be a little unpredictable,and after the day I had, had anything could happen.

The evening ended up with sharing a lovely meal kindly offered by Pollyanna and we were eventually home by just after nine.

So today I appreciate Pollyanna’s kindness and I look forward to seeing friends and family.

I am determined to enjoy this birthday, so bring it on.

Deborah xxx

Thank Goodness…

….that today I am seeing my pain nurse as I certainly have a lot to talk to her about and desperately need her help. The pain last night had reached its peak I hope, because surely it can’t get any worse. I must try a new type of pain killers because I am not sure the slow release morphine is doing the job. I don’t like to moan about it all the time, but last night I cried. I cried because of the pain and because I was sad. It is therefore a good job that the pain killer nurse is coming along with my psychologist as I need her too.

We are still camping out, or rather in and I am watching the grey skies and listening to the rain slash down on the Perspex roof. Today is a good day because it is the day my beautiful first daughter was born. I loved her from the very first moment I set eyes on her, or probably before. She has, and continues to, fill my life with joy and when I see her the sun comes out. She is sunshine and I couldn’t have picked a more perfect name for her than Pollyanna. Bright,funny,witty,generous Pollyanna, her mothers pride and joy. Stepping in my footsteps in the NHS she will make a difference as I have always strived to do. Today is her day and we shall rejoice (after I have seen the health specialists).

Day One

Day One


May all your dreams come true. Enjoy life to the full and always look for the best and you will find it. Go out into the big world and share your sunshine so other people will smile in your presence and feel your warmth.

Have a lovely day everyone and make sure you look out for the sunshine in the rain.

Deborah xxx