I’m having a bit of a problem nowadays….

.,,with waking up. I just want to keep my eyes firmly closed. Last night we slept in the motorhome, it was so much cooler and we both slept like logs, only to be woken up by a family of crows squabbling over breakfast.

For my NHS colleagues I want to refer back to my bone biopsy. As I think you all know by now, I had my third bone biopsy on Tuesday. For the first time I was sedated. I realise it is more time consuming to do it this way but from a patient’s perspective it was so much better. I hadn’t been told with my first two that this was even an option. Instead I was put through so much pain even though the area where the drilling was taking place was numbed somewhat. I would therefore recommend that every patient due to have this procedure is at least given the option of sedation and it is clearly explained to them, so that at least, they can make an educated choice. I appreciate that this may cause more time and expense,but you try having someone drill into your hip bone in order to extract some bone marrow! Enough said.

By the way have I told you yet how marvellous my party was. How I was lucky enough through my PA, Sharon, to be put in touch with David Mills. David started and finished the night off really well and got us all on the dance floor. Or have I told you about the CC Smugglers who are going to be the next big group to hit the music industry. They certainly know how to party and if you haven’t got their CD yet it’s available through their web site, just tap CC Smugglers into google and you will find them. Thank you so much to my aunty Maureen, who although she lives on the other side of the world, organised for their CD to be delivered to my house, and it’s brilliant.

And Jarvis and I, well I can’t kiss and tell, but let’s just say it was good to get the lot of us all back together again.

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For those of you who are not tuned into my Facebook page, I am offering a copy of the party DVD (once I’ve edited it). I just need you to email me your address. It’s free of charge although you are most welcome to give a donation to my just giving page by clicking the button at the beginning of my home page on here.

It looks like it’s going to be another boiling hot day so please do take care.

I am going to get back on to writing my book today. Somebody game me the most lovely leather bound journal, but it is so nice I am a bit nervous of defacing it. Thank you if it was you who kindly brought that as a gift for my birthday. I have been very spoilt as my real birthday, if you remember it was in January, but I wasn’t in a good place then as having just found out my diagnosis. In the hustle and bustle of the party cards got detached from parcels so I must apologise as I am still having difficulty working out who bought what, but I love them all any way.

A very big thank you goes to two dear friends Sharon and Wendy, who couldn’t make the party, but sent me a lovely gift of a porcelain tea pot and selection of teas, now my best present of all is if they would come and visit and share a cuppa with me. Just let me know when your coming, I am in a need to give you both a big hug.

I must go now I hear voices downstairs

Enjoy your day

Deborah xxx

Still on a high…

…from Saturday night. Did I dream it or did Jarvis Cocker really sing Disco 2000 in our back garden, in the barn on our stage? Perhaps the drilling into my hip bone today will bring me back down to earth!

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Yes unfortunately I have to endure another bone biopsy today, but this time I have requested sedation, as the last one I had was pretty painful. This is the reason why I am up so early. We have to be at the hospital by 9am and its nil by mouth until after it’s been administered. I then have to hang around until my consultant appointment at 3.30 pm. Don’t these people know who I am? It’s me Deborah it never suited yer, my house was very small with wood chip on the wall. I don’t want to come down to earth, I’m staying exactly where I am!

If I haven’t already told you the CC Smugglers were amazing, ARE amazing. Not to mention how good a singer David Miils is! Come on Seb sign them up they will be big stuff in America and make you a fortune. Just don’t forget where you saw them first, at our home in our back garden on one hot Summer’s evening in July. I don’t mean to go on about it but you know, it’s me my name is DEBORAH.

I won’t apologise for repeating myself. It’s hard to move on, my Cancer has faded into insignificance. What Cancer? Did I tell you about the time Jarvis came to my party? How he sang along with my favourite band? Did I mention my good friend David Mills who played whilst the CC Smugglers attempted to toast marshmallows on our bonfire? How I danced and danced until sleep took over well past 2am?

Love from Deborah the first girl at school to get breasts (hmm I’m not too sure about that one)

pS if you are looking for me, I am floating up there somewhere on cloud number nine

WOW what a night!

Firstly I must apologise for the delay in posting but it has taken a couple of days to come back down to earth.

July 13th, was an evening to remember. It all started the day before as Production Plus an amazing events company, arrived to put up the staging, lighting and most importantly the disco ball. As the Friday evening drew in, some lovely friends, Ann and Patrick, arrived with bunting and some waterfall lights to make the set look even more spectacular. Tables and chairs were put out and the scene was set and who knew what would happen on the night of the party.

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Well the evening party to celebrate my 50th and raise money for Myeloma research, really couldn’t have been any better, as friends and family arrived laden with their picnics. Seeing our relatives from Sheffield was very special to both Kate and I, as was catching up with Jarvis, his sister Saskia and mum Chris. So many happy memories were shared and all seemed well with the world. As a surprise, friends and family had all learnt one of my most favourite songs and flash mobbed it for me. I wasn’t quite sure what was happening as a friends husband pulled me on to the dance floor but as it slowly sunk in to my alcohol filled head, I felt very honoured that new and old friends and family had all learnt my favourite song, ‘I hope you dance’ and were singing it especially for me. Then to top it all my childhood friend, Jarvis, took to the stage and sang Disco 2000 along with the amazing CC Smugglers, to me, for me, about me. How could that happen? I will never forget that moment for as long or as short of a time I have left on this planet. Thank you David for this footage.

http://www.facebook.com/l/IAQHaue9qAQHvBsnWsxH5MtxGLRbpMo60TZl_m2YQAYBubw/m.youtube.com/watch?feature=youtu.be&v=FV_lzerVqDI&desktop_uri=%252Fwatch%253Fv%253DFV_lzerVqDI%2526feature%253Dyoutu.be

I am not sure how to express in words my gratitude. Thank you to you all just doesn’t seem enough but it’s a start so here I go, please accept my apology in advance if I leave any one out, it certainly won’t be intentionally.

To start with…

Thank you to you all for coming along and helping make the atmosphere just perfect. It was especially good to meet and make new friends some who I have made contact with through the Myeloma network and others from neighbouring villages.

Thank you to my soul mate Colin, loving sister Kate. mum Jill and best friends Sue and Angela who have not only helped to make the party a success, but who have been by my side every step of the way, witnessing the pain and tears, sharing the laughter and just holding my hand both literally and metaphorically. Without you this journey would have been even harder to bare. You have lifted my spirits when I have felt lost and supported not only me, but Colin and each other. I know this won’t stop here and I have confidence that you will be with me forever I love you all so very much.

A special thank you to Sue and Angela who contributed the wine for the party and to Kate who payed for the Porta Loo’s meaning even more money could be put in to the charity fund.

Thank you to my two lovely daughters Pollyanna and Jem who continue to make me proud. And to my lovely grandson who made, whoever met him on the night and the day after, smile. Thank you Pollyanna for contributing the sweets and nibbles and for buying so many raffle tickets!!

To my lovely brother Toby and his partner Jo for contributing the luxury Fortnum and Mason’s hamper to the raffle.

And a very special Thank You to Sebastian my lovely nephew who I love with all my heart, not only for all his contributions to the raffle but for flying over from Los Angeles to be with us all. Not to mention my rather extravagant sunglasses!

To the rest of my family, Charles and his friends, the family from up north, Jack and Jeremy who shared their time with us all, either before, at, or after the party.

Thank you to Production Plus for providing the staging and lightening at no cost, and a special Thank You to Andy who gives the best of hugs and for his and Vicki’s generosity .

Thanks to Ann and Patrick who put together the finishing touches the night before the party.

To Barbs and Jo who organised the flash Mob, and especially to Barbs for organising and chopping (with help from Kate and Kendra) all the fruit for the Pimms and strawberries for the desert. And to Jo who arrived very early on the Sunday morning and who had cleared up much of the mess before most of us got out of bed.

To Heather for all her help with buying up Costco’s and to her and her husband from
www.hertsfireplacegallery.co.uk
for providing the fire in a box which is a great idea for your garden especially on chilly evenings.

To Sonia and her son for lending us bunting and putting it all up.

To my very caring and thoughtful sister in law Lorna and her husband Gig, for helping in so many ways before, during and after the party. Along with Sophie who made all the cup cakes and helped with the raffle.

Thank you to Colin’s parents who also helped out before, during and after the party. With a very special Thank You to Keith who spent most of the evening taking pboto’s and filming the event. I can’t wait to see them all. He really is a fantastic photographer.

Thank you to all the other people who contributed raffle prises.

A very big Thank You to my good friend Allison who has not only been a great support to me but who baked me this amazing birthday cake, each flower was handmade. We rather reluctantly cut into it on Sunday and it tasted as good as it looks!

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A big Thank You also goes to Allison and Chris’s son Nick who very kindly contributed his time and skills to sort out all the electric’s in our barn so we could plug in the lighting and freezers

To David Mills,an amazing singer and I hope now he won’t mind me calling him friend. So many people commented on how good he was and he finished off the evening perfectly as the night drew to an end and we sat by the bonfire attempting, rather unsuccessfully,toasting marshmallows. If you need a singer for a party, wedding etc drop me an email and I will pass on his contact details or just google his name etc and you should find him on YouTube.

Another big Thank You to the CC Smugglers who really made the night especially when they backed up Jarvis Cocker and sang Disco 2000. They are such a talented group of lads but not only that, they are really nice guys who generously gave their time up for free so that we could raise even more money for charity. You can get hold of them or buy their CD by visiting their web site or Facebook page. Just follow the link below.

http://www.ccsmugglers.co.uk/

Thank You to Jarvis who not only turned up to my party with his mum Christine (or Aunty Christine as we used to call her), his son Albert, and beautiful girlfriend Kim and his sister Saskia and her very handsome son Felix. He actually, now this just made the night, sang Disco 2000 on our stage, at our house, to me. Now how cool is that! It was lovely to catch up and I was very grateful for my gift of a frame filled with old photo’s of us all as kids playing together. Thanks Aunty and thank you Jarvis for my book which I shall treasure forever.

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Thank you all as well for all the gifts I really didn’t expect to receive. To start with on Friday I received a parcel of a lovely teapot and selection of tea’s from Wendy and Sharon. It is perfect as both Colin and I love our cuppa, but after thanking all the Sharon’s and Wendy’s at the party, all of whom said it wasn’t them that sent it I am at a loss of who it came from ?

In my excitement cards got detached from presents and I am not sure who to thank for what. So I must apologise but a big THANK YOU to you all. I do know that I got the most amazing bouquet from Natasha, and a lovely basket of goodies from my good friend Julie Nash. I also received a lovely photo frame, candles, chocolates, slippers and foot creams, a perfect leather bound journal which I can’t wait to fill and a hamper of all my favourite things from my gorgeous cousin Mathew and his lovely wife Clare. Both Colin and I can’t wait to meet up with them again sometime soon.

July 13th really was a very special day. It was made special by all who were involved and everyone thoroughly enjoyed the evening.

I hope to be able to add more photo’s and video footage very soon. If you took any photo’s or film on the night I would be very grateful if you could send them to me at deborah.bone@mac.com

Thank you once again to all you lovely people

Deborah xxx

Village Secrets and good friends.

Tonight’s the night, how exciting. Thanks to my sleeping tablets and strong pain killers I have had a good nights sleep so although feeling a little dopey at the moment I am raring to go.

I hope the cold weather doesn’t put people off attending. Some kind lady has baked a load of cup cakes and we will have a beauty therapist coming with her make up kit ready to give advice and add the finishing touches to your new look.

Who knows what you will find, I have tried to buy a mixture of designer clothes and shoes and it has been difficult not to hold on to some of them for myself.

I will have available some Village Secrets Style Sheets, to be filled in, this will help me to get hold of the right sort of clothes in the future if we decide to repeat the evening.

Thank you for all your support in helping to make this happen. When I was at school I didn’t have many friends. I hated every moment of school probably due to spending much of the time fearing the bullies who stole my dinner money and tried to burn my hair . Bullying is a big issue in schools and contributes to the increasing amount of young people who are being referred to our service for depression and low self esteem.

Now-a-days I seem to have lots of people I could call friends. Having Cancer has made me appreciate this even more and think that I must try to be a better friend myself.

Yesterday one of our best friends took time off work to come and clean our home. She also brought round a lovely homemade shepherds pie. We protested at first because it is hard to accept help, but it was so much appreciated and meant that both Colin and I could give our bodies the much needed rest in the afternoon.

We lay in front our lovely warm wood burning stove filled with logs that another new friends dropped around which meant that Colin did not have to go out chopping wood. How thoughtful is that!

Kate is my best friend as well as having the job of being my little sister. She readily puts other things on hold to help out and Colin was really appreciative of her support yet again at Wednesday’s hospital visit. And tonight she has agreed for me to host the first Village Secrets event in her home. So I must say a big ‘Thank You’ to her.

Sometimes work gets in the way of family and friends, having been forced to take time away from work has made me appreciate all the good things and people around me. When I do return to work I will make sure I get a better balance.

Try not to work too hard today.

I look forward to seeing many of you later.

Deborah x

A great night out..

..was had by us all as we listened to and watched the CC Smugglers in full swing.

They really are very talented and soon got the audience up on their feet dancing the night away.

Sebastian if you are reading this. CC Smugglers are going to be the next sought after band so get in quick, I can’t wait for you to see them in July.

Have a look at their facebook page https://www.facebook.com/ccsmugglers

Now I am even more excited about my summer charity birthday party.

Just in case you don’t know about it, it’s going to be one hell of a night in July. I don’t want to put too many details out publicly but if you want to know more and want a couple of the elusive £10.00 tickets just email me. We have 200 tickets in all with the first batch going to family and friends. All the money raised from the night will go to Myeloma Research.
There will be live music from CC Smugglers and the rather lovely David Mills, a chilli supper and a field to camp in if you fancy staying over night.

All we need is the sunshine and for you to be there.

Have a chilled out Sunday.

X

70 days later and three cycles completed

Has it really been that long since I received the unwelcome  phone call confirming my Myeloma diagnosis? Doesn’t time fly when your having fun.

I am now three down  in the ’21 day’  PADIMAC trial cycles. So halfway there if I am to go on and get the full set of six.

So far it has gone relatively well considering the large doses of toxins I am having pumped in to my body. The idea of having such an intense period of chemo over a relatively short period of time,  is to promote a longer period of treatment free time before enduring the Stem Cell Transplant.

I quote below from the trial information

” The overall aim of the trial is to provide a reliable estimate of the 2-year PFS (progression-free survival) for patients who receive no further treatment after achieving a major response to induction therapy with PAD (Bortezomib(Velcade),  Adriamycin and Dexamethasone). Multiple myeloma (MM) is a cancer of white blood cells called plasma cells. The recent incorporation of new agents with significant activity against MM (such as bortezomib) into frontline regimens has resulted in high overall and complete response rates prior to ASCT (autologous stem cell transplant)”.

So just to recap , the idea is to give me as long a period of cancer free time (remission) as possible prior to the inevitable stem cell transplant.

Apart from the recent bone pain, which threatens to disrupt the whole programme it IS working well and my  numbers are dropping fast. So it looks like I shall be one of the lucky ones as I am on my way to a complete response.

Most exciting of all , I now have a whole ten chemo free days to go before cycle four commences. I just hope I will be able to continue on the trial despite the side effects. I will find this out on Tuesday when I next see the consultant.

I am learning to live more in the here and now, although my brain does regularly revert to thinking about the future which is not good when I start worrying about the inevitable hospital treatment ahead or even worse a shortened life span!

If I must think further ahead I need to limit it to concentrating on next weeks exciting Village Secret event and July’s Summer Birthday Party Festival.

For now I shall just think about tonight.

Tonight I am going to take good advantage of my chemo free time. Together with our best friends and family we are going for a night out on the town. I shall prepare well with an afternoon nap then allow a good period of time to dress and make up. I shall dose myself up with pain killers and get ready to dance the night away just like the old days.

My taste buds are back, (a temporary reprieve, before the next round of chemo) so I shall eat delicious foods and maybe even sneak in a glass or two of alcohol.

I will organise a Sunday of rest to overcome any night before hangovers.

Well a girl can dream and I will have a go at all of the above anyway.

I wonder what you all have planned?

There are more tickets going so if you are free why not come and join us at the Letchworth Arts Centre?  See link below

http://www.letchwortharts.org/allevents

Have a great weekend however you decide to spend it.

Will they or won’t they..

…give me chemo today? I must admit not having received it on Monday I really noticed the difference as I was soon back to my excitable old self. I do appreciate I need it so it can get on with doing its job but it was good to get a glimpse of what it might be like when I am in remission.  I have a little way to go yet though and 1-3 more cycles of chemo to endure.  If only I could say I”m OK now lets not bother with the rest. Never mind perhaps they will just give me a reduced dose today  so the side effects will be kept to a minimum. I do hope so as we are going to see the CC Smugglers playing at the Letchworth Arts Centre on Saturday night. I think there are some tickets left if anyone else fancies coming along for a preview of the band who are playing at my charity birthday party in July.

So back to which therapy?
Two for the price of one today!
Starting with ….good old fashioned counselling?
Counselling is sometimes used as an umbrella term for a range of different therapeutic approaches.  The word ‘counselling’ or ‘counsellor’ covers a broad spectrum, from someone who is highly trained to someone who uses counselling skills (listening, reflecting back what you say, or clarifying) as part of another role, such as nursing.
I am using the term here to mean a style of talking therapy delivered by a trained professional.
Counselling provides a regular time and space for people to talk about their troubles and explore difficult feelings in an environment that is dependable, free from intrusion and confidential. A counsellor should respect your viewpoint while helping you to deal with specific problems, cope with crises, improve your relationships, or develop better ways of living. Time is given for a trusting relationship to be developed.
Despite the name, counsellors don’t usually offer advice. Instead, they help you to gain a better insight into your feelings.  They do this by listening to what you have to say , and reflecting and clarifying with you what you have meant by these words. They may notice and point out any incongruent inconsistencies. For example if you are talking about a happy situation but your body language is showing a different story.
Sessions usually take place once a week. Making this regular commitment may give you a better chance of finding out why you are having difficulties.  Some people stay in this type of counselling for many years.
In general, a counsellor will listen to you without butting-in or imposing their own values and beliefs on you. They will give you the space to explore your thoughts, feelings, or behaviour, whatever they are. People can find it helpful just to have their concerns taken seriously.
For me personally, although I think there may be a place for this type of more longer term counselling, I am not sure it works as well as some of the other therapies that offer shorter term solutions. Maybe I want a quick fix? I have spoken regularly throughout this blog about the importance of time and for some people, having more time to reflect on their situation and explore for themselves a way forward is perhaps helpful?
And of course, there is no such thing as one-size-treats all approach to therapy. Every person and their life experiences make them unique. This means that the approach taken to help you through what you may be struggling with should also be unique and should be customised to meet your needs.
Psychoanalysis and Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy.
Psychoanalysis and Psychoanalytic Psychotherapy, apply theoretical and clinical knowledge developed over the last hundred years. It grew out of the work of the famous psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud, who began developing his therapeutic techniques in the late 1800s.
In psychoanalytic psychotherapy, the therapist is not directive and will not usually give advice.
The process involves the therapist following and paying attention to whatever the client presents and offering their understanding of this, including possible unconscious influences. The aim is to enable the client to think in new ways about their life and thereby to find their own solutions to problems.
The therapeutic relationship is the foundation for this method and requires commitment and responsibility from both the psychotherapist and client.  The aim is to work together to make sense of the clients’ emotional life and ways of functioning.
The work makes links between present and past as well as emphasising the clients’ here-and-now experience. Exploration of the conscious and unconscious aspects of the therapeutic relationship (also known as transference and countertransference) makes this work different from other therapies or from talking to a friend.
Through non-judgemental understanding and interpretative work within the therapeutic relationship, clients  can recognise underlying meanings of dreams, conflicts and fantasies and the way in which thoughts and feelings are expressed and resisted. This understanding enables new choices to be made, and the fulfilment of individuals’ unique potential.
Psychoanalysts and Psychoanalytic Psychotherapists complete theoretical and experiential post-graduate training following a professional qualification. They are required to undergo their own psychoanalysis or psychoanalytic psychotherapy as part of their training, which enables them to understand distress and symptoms, and be mindful of the possibilities of their own personal biases.
As you can perhaps see, there is a wealth of experience,  theory and evidence behind this type of therapy and I have a great deal of respect for the training, and hard work that the therapist has undertaken in order to best support their client.
So the choice is getting greater, tomorrow I will explorer one of my favourites, Human Givens Psychotherapy and of course NLP.
Have a good Wednesday, not long till the weekend now, but don’t wait until then go out and enjoy today.

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Deborah x
PS. I have noticed a reduction in comments , are you still out there? Perhaps I am just waffling on about subjects that are interesting to me but are not what you want to be reading about. I can talk about other things rather than mental health but I am not sure talking to myself is necessarily a good thing? So do let me know if you are still there.

Two sleeping tablets later…

…and I managed 8 hours sleep, I want to jump out of bed with joy but feel the remnants  of my deliberate choice to increase to double my dose, holding me back.

Yesterday I was yet again reminded of the kindness of the human spirit. Another beautiful new scarf was left on my doorstep, and some lovely friends from the village delivered us a whole truck full of logs. This will make such a difference as Colin should not really be chopping away and putting further strain on his heart, and I am feeling the cold more than ever
So Thank You dear friends and village buddies.
Kate will drive and chaperone me to my final beetle juice and stomach injection of the week, today. This will give Colin a much needed break from it all, and a rest from my continuos steroid fuelled chatter.  On the journey I may get the chance to help Kate explore some of her excellent training ideas. I like helping others and feel disappointed when my body has other ideas and I have to go back into succumbing mode.
Tomorrow is my planned day of rest but I do have some other ideas for it so I am willing my body to synchronise well with my mind.
I am excited about the future.
Firstly I am really getting excited about the Village Secret event on a March 22nd I do hope many of you will come and support me. I hope I have enough clothes and shoes that you will like but if not we will just have a fun evening together any way.
Secondly I hope to deliver all the new scarves to the cancer centre next week, I should have received the white paper bags that I want to decorate by then and have written all the positive messages to accompany.
Thirdly I now have the NHS Change Day  to attend  on March 13th, so I can share my pledge and join with colleagues nationally who want to make a difference and improve the services we deliver to our patients.  I will just need to find myself a healthy chaperone who is  willing to wander around with a blown up baldy, (that’s how I feel sometimes), maybe I had better get the wig out!
Then it’s the BIG one, the prep for the Hinxworth Charity Birthday Festival. I want it to be the best night ever so I am busy visualising a lots of sunshine and plenty of people willing to lend us their patio heaters, just in case the air gets chilly in the evening .
I need to stay as well as possible, as does Colin, to acheive all of the above, so we are doing our best to follow instructions ( not my usual modus operandi) and succumbing when we really have to!
Please note,  this blog has been complied  in rather a drug induced state so I hope the above makes some sense.
Back on form tomorrow is the plan,
All the best
Deborah x

Blame the tablets ….

…for the lateness of this blog! Sorry folks I know many of you like to read it with your morning cup of char before heading off to work. But last night I had eight hours sleep, that must be a record, and no psychotic symptoms to note. Now I will have all the energy I need to enjoy the day ahead. My kitchen blackboard calendar has against today’s date In large capital letters REST DAY. Well it’s my calendar and I can rub it out if I like. 🙂

But I may stay in my jimmy jams today (so be warned if you pop by), throw a couple of logs on the wood burner and tick off a few of the items on my to do list for today.

Work on my painting
Try out my new dry cleaning unit
Shop on line for my paper bags
Prepare clothes and shoes ready for sale
Finish the Village Secret invites and email out
Make labels
Ring my pension lady
Enjoy a cuppa with my work colleagues.
Watch another episode of 24
Catch upon all the recorded TV programmes I have missed
Work on PR strategy
Reflect on my meeting with my new friend David who I have the upmost respect for and can’t wait to see playing the lead role in Phantom of the Opera, I may just have to keep hold of one of my recently required designer gowns!

I also want to appreciate today that I have been blessed with courage. I think courage comes with confidence and gives the possessor permission to step outside the normal rules that sometimes dictate today’s world.

According to my online dictionary, courage is:

1) The quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
2) The heart as the source of emotion
3) To have the courage of one’s convictions, to act in accordance with one’s beliefs, especially in spite of criticism.

The 6 C’s is a new compassionate, caring vision for nursing that has been recently launched. The vision is based around six values – care, compassion, courage, communication, competence and commitment. I was pleased to see courage being one of them.

It takes courage to stand up for the things you believe, especially if it appears to be at odds with the people around you. In my experience however, I have found there are many people who are often thinking and believing the same but lacked the courage to speak out.

So I am grateful for the gift of courage. Courage has helped me to believe, to follow my dreams. Yesterday I met David in real life, (instead of just through the powers of technology). It felt good to have a hug from a fellow ‘Courager’ (ok I know there is no such word in the dictionary but I’ve just made it up so they can make space for it now) Couragers are role models who by example can demonstrate courage and share stories that can inspire others to take the first step. I think there are any Couragers out there, seek them out and ask them to kindly share their stories it may just change your life. I think courage could be catching.

Do you know any Couragers? Is there another word that describes people that demonstrate courage, that speak out , follow their dreams? Maybe the word is Hero?

Come on Libi this ones for you. I need a noun that fits otherwise I am sticking with Courager.

Go out and be brave today

X

Keeping busy, feeling the love and steroids.

Looking back over the past 40 days since the bombshell of all phone calls, I was just contemplating how life hasn’t really stood still, and there I was imagining how a workaholic like me was going to fill her time!

So here is a list of what’s happened so far and a few of the projects of mine.

Achievements and challenges to date:

16 day trips to London and 1 to A&E following my overdose!

Learning how to Blog – 34 posts, 6,768 views, 268 followers and 298 comments!

7 editors of national papers contacted last week in the hope of writing a magazine column and one positive feedback received, so fingers crossed.

Started new business venture ‘Village Secrets’ – house full of designer gear getting ready for big launch in March.

“Especially for You” scarf charity set up and 3 new scarf donations already received.
Contacted local radio station – Waiting to hear back to see if I can tell my story and put out appeal for scarf donations.

Met Ed Milliband and co

Had a hot date with Russell Brand and Jarvis Cocker

Just done a tincy bit of old job work on PR guide.

Lots of cleaned out cupboards (thanks to the steroids) and a new Ikea convalescing conservatory room set up to enable me to enjoy the view from my sickbed if required.

Party of the year organisation well on the way – the good news is we have the band and date confirmed now. The amazing CC Smugglers are very generously donating their time and musical skills for free in order to raise more money at my 50th Birthday charity music fest coming up in July.

http://www.ccsmugglers.co.uk/

And on the to do list:

Get on with writing the Meday book and others

Large painting for the local Indian restaurant. (I am excited about starting this)

Finishing the PR guide for work.

Designing and building a luxury ( but compact) spa bathroom upstairs with a jacuzzi bath to soak my weary bones! This one I really desire but will require a little more financial planning I think – looking into various sourcing options including eBay!

More party planning – good job there is a committee set up for this one.

Hmm will I ever have time to return to work?

None of the above would have been at all possible without the support and generosity of all the family, friends, colleagues, doctors, nurses, and people I didn’t even know who have contacted me via the blog. The LOVE out there is tangible and powerful each kind word and gesture is an attack on my cancerous cells and my numbers are dropping fast. I can feel it working and I know a cure is getting closer.

So by the end of all this it won’t be a funeral your attending but a party. I shall visit Buckingham Palace and sign a major book deal. I may even get to appear on Daybreak or go to Hollywood who knows?

You know this Cancer lark isn’t all so bad.

Please note however i am now coming off my high energy fix of steroids for a couple of weeks and this may cause in a severe lack of action!

I do hope not!

Dexamethasone and other steroids are useful in myeloma treatment because they can stop white blood cells from traveling to areas where cancerous myeloma cells are causing damage. This decreases the amount of swelling or inflammation in those areas and relieves associated pain and pressure. More importantly, in high doses, dexamethasone can actually kill myeloma cells.

So steroids are really powerful, with wide ranges of actions, producing dramatic effects from pain relief to mood elevation, and if it were not for the very serious side effects they would be used even more frequently. These are the drugs often abused by sports folk to enhance performance.

The problem is steroids also affect the brain, and high doses can make people feel happy, euphoric, hyped-up, with disturbance of sleep and even serious psychiatric illness such as mania, and psychosis (delusions, paranoia, loss of touch with reality).

Women can start looking like men: growing beards and going bald!

Oh dear now where is that foxy wig and shaver I feel an attack of losing touch with reality coming on!

Welcome once again into my Parallel Universe.

Please enjoy peace and calm today as I too will try to listen to these words of wisdom and slow down just a little!

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