Just a quickie…

…I know I have said that before and ended up going on and on, but this time I mean it. I need to get up and have a bath for today’s outing. Going out anywhere other than the hospital is pretty rare nowadays so it is quite an event. I expect your wondering where I’m off too well don’t get too excited, I’m going to the drop in for a cup of tea at the local Hospice. I would never imagine I would be going there in any other capacity than as a professional. I have been told that Hospices do many things other than care for the dying so I am going to find out. Classed as being terminally ill does have some benefits and I may be able to a access a variety of resources that could help manage my pain. Unfortunately the pain in my legs is getting worse rather than better and last night it woke me up resulting in me taking an extra swig of Oramorph. I am hoping some reflexology or acupuncture might help. As long as it goes by the time of the party I will be happy. Just on the subject of the party did you receive your invitation yet? If you have don’t forget to double click on the attachment to properly see the invitation which clearly shows the date and time. I am a little concerned that the although it looks fine on my mac it may not come out the same on a PC so any problems please just let me know.

Besides that my team manager is coming over for lunch today. I haven’t seen David for a while now and I just hope he will fill me in with what has been happening at Step2. Unfortunately David is a great believer that if you are off sick you need to concentrate on getting better and not be worrying about work. I however find it helps me to know what’s going on although I will probably be a little tearful today as I do miss my old routines although it is nice to sit out in the sunshine, and I am afraid at how I am going to manage to get back into work. The medication I am taking, the majority of which is for pain, makes me so dopey that I am not sure how much use I would be at work right now. Never mind hopefully things will improve. My pain nurse is bringing the psychologist along with her on her next visit as she thinks I may benefit from seeing her again. Maybe she is right as I am a little tearful at the moment. I think this is mostly at the reality of what I have lost and the fear of not regaining my old self.

Oh well I did say this was going to be a short one and any moment Colin will be shouting me down for the bath. Did you know most of my blogs take over an hour to write but I think I have got away with about 20 minutes this time.

Have a lovely day and on your way home from work or when you get 5 minutes to yourself just list the things you have to be appreciative of today then smile because living is good and most of us are very fortunate and privileged.

Deborah x

The good news is …

..I am feeling much better than I was prior to yesterday, because of my morning visit from Louise, my new Palliative Care Key Worker. Following an assessment of my current pain levels, Louise increased my pain killing drugs and prescribed Oramorph which Colin collected from the GP in the afternoon. This has already made a difference and although they knock me out somewhat, I was able to sit and enjoy a meal with Colin last night, in much more comfort. To be honest I think I have been putting up with more pain than is necessary. I don’t like to make too much fuss and I was thinking that pain is just part and parcel of what you need to put up with when you have chemo, I also worry about taking too many drugs, but when you think about it, it’s a bit late for that really as I already take an enormous amount of medication anyway taking a few more, with the result being better pain relief is a no brainier really. Louise was very helpful and she informed me that I can apparently access all sorts of free therapies including reiki, reflexology and massage, whilst I am receiving treatment. The sad thing is I need to go to the hospice for these. I was also a little distressed to read the Palliative Care leaflet that states it is for people with cancer and other life limiting diseases. I reminded Louise that my life was going to be as long as everyone else’s and that I don’t do that dying thing, it really isn’t very solution focused in my humble opinion. I remember visiting the hospice in my professional capacity and thinking it was the one place I would never want to go, not because it wasn’t lovely there and filled with the most caring of staff, but for me I could only see one way out and that was in a box. I do however need to have a rethink and just like I have got to love and appreciate the Macmillan services so must I for palliative care and the hospice. These services are not just for the dying but act as support for hmmm ….(I have to think here) those who might just need it and their families. It really is quite a thing to get my head around especially as in mine I am still a healthy girl in her twenties, unfortunately my body and the mirror often remind me otherwise. If you do however need to make use of any of these services you will be even more grateful for the NHS and the fact that these are readily available to you. In my opinion the nurses who work in this area are very special indeed. Did you know that it is even possible to call on the Palliative Care Team at the weekends and late at night? I really do hope I never need to but it is so good to know they are there.

Well back on a much lighter subject, I am really looking forward to my visit to the spa today. After the original fuss that was made I think the Sanctuary Spa will ensure today is a very special experience for both myself and Kate, I just hope I don’t fall asleep in there. They are providing us with lunch, body massages and complimentary manicures. I am a little embarrassed though after listening to what Kate told them on the phone, honestly she apparently told them that I had met the Prime Minister and that I was a very important person among a host of other things! I shall wear my wig and a pair of dark glasses to hide my embarrassment. Following our spa experience, we might even manage a short wander around John Lewis depending on our energy levels. I am a girl who loves to shop but Kate isn’t so keen, so luckily for her but sadly for me, I probably couldn’t manage more than one store, if that, in my current state of health.. Colin and my dear friends Sue and Angela, in all seriousness, suggested I use a wheelchair, (apparently they have them to borrow in John Lewis) honestly I don’t think I am at that point yet! Still a good time will be had, whatever.

Will let you know how it all went tomorrow.

Don’t work too hard whilst we are busy relaxing!

Deborah x