The Roller Coaster ride of Myeloma

When I don’t really fully understand things happening in my life I tend to look around for a metaphor for my little brain to take it all onboard. Yesterday had started so well but then I was plunged into a world of darkness that had me searching for answers.

I started the day off in a buoyant mood, arriving at the UCLH Cancer Centre before the security guards had left and the day staff had arrived. Colin and I walked round the corner and enjoyed a leisurely Starbucks breakfast. I can thoroughly recommend their porridge.

I was first in line for my blood, in and out first time with hardly a moment to notice the small scratch. The blood is quickly sent off to be tested before the results can determine the amount of drug that needs preparing for the Wednesday and Thursday’s regime.

Colin and I then sat around in reception, him working on the laptop and me catching up on all the latest gossip in the glossy magazine.

At 10.30 we made our way up to the Parallel Universe (floor 2 to everyone else),even though my actual appointment wasn’t until 1pm. This is where I have my cannula inserted and we wait patiently for my chemo drug to be ready.

There is one particular nurse who usually gets the cannula in first time. This is not an easy process as my veins are small and well hidden, so it usually requires sticking my arm into hot water. The Super Cannula wielding nurse was busy seeing to another patient, so I had another lovely nurse, but prepared myself, for perhaps a third time lucky scenario, which is often the case if super nurse is away or busy? I needn’t have feared, the hot water and the excellent skills of this new nurse ensured we were in first time. Whoppee, this was a really good start to my Wednesday.

The day got even better as I managed to catch the eye of the tea lady and order myself a free lunch. Better than that, I was hardly out of my cannula bay when a nurse from the other side of the room called me over to start hydrating my body. This is done by IV and is necessary before I can have the toxic chemo entering my blood stream. The nurse hoped that by the time my body was well and truly hydrated the drug would have arrived from pharmacy. Now most people say that I am a pretty optimistic person, my cup is usually well than half full, but with my experience of waiting for my drug to be prepared I doubted the hopeful wishes of my nurse. Still I was in the right chair now and could get on with some work on my iPad.

Well you could knock me over with a feather. I had hardly started my lunch when the tell tale yellow bag arrived and inside it was my very precious brand of poison. By 1.30pm I was up and out of that chair, as quick as lightening and heading for home. No fighting with the rush hour and time and to spare to pick up the evenings supper lovingly made by my parents, and a quick visit to my lovely grandson, with the excuse of helping Jem with her computer problem.

We were back home by 4pm in a jolly good mood, but having Myeloma as anyone who experiences it knows, nothing can be taken for granted. The post bought with it a copy of the monthly summary letter that gets sent to my GP. Here it informs the doctor of the previous months blood tests, results from any other test carried out, the present situation and the plan of action. So it was not really new news. My consultant always very kindly and gently explains what is going on in a way that he feels appropriate and enough to take in during my monthly clinical appointment. However, the letter puts it in a much more formal ‘doctors language’ which often doesn’t make easy reading.

I read through the letter carefully, compared the results from the previous month and then usually file it away with all the rest. However when there is something new written, words I don’t understand, I end up trying to look them up on the good old internet. Knowledge is power isn’t it? I am always careful to look out for what appears to be the most professionally of sites. I didn’t like what I read, and my mood plummeted and the tears started to fall. Colin hugged me as together once again we tried to make sense of it all. Colin’s stress causes him to literally reach and vomit as his body tends to react physically to anxiety. I tried calling Myeloma research for information and support, but they were on staff training. Eventually I did get hold of a lovely nurse on the Macmillian helpline. (I’m not sure what I would do without the amazing support from this service) Macmillan is open to friends and relatives too is if you ever feel like a bit of extra support yourself just give them a call or email them. They even have a chat group for carers. The nurse, on the line, couldn’t have more caring and compassionate whilst remaining very factual as she explained every part of the letter I read out. By the end of the call I felt more reassured and able to get on with the evening, including my mammoth Wednesday night drug taking regime, consisting of 46 tablets in all.

This morning I started thinking of a metaphor, to explain my Myeloma journey,and for me being at a Theme park works pretty well, especially as I am not a big fan of these unless there is a game of ‘Pluck a Duck’going which I doubt there is at Thorpe Park. The park is unfamiliar territory, but from reading the blurb I can tell its one place I would rather not go! I however, in my world of fantasy and nightmares have found myself locked in by closely guarded gates. The roller coasters representing my Myeloma ride’s. They are scary and definitely something I would never choose to step onto even before it starts moving, but I am forced onboard to face my worst fears?

The rides at the Thorpe park describe a whole host of thrills and spills, tucks and turns.
Take for example the extreme terror of the Saw (their words not mine!).

“Now more terrifying than ever, you won’t know what lurks around the corner as you enter Jigsaw’s blood-curdling twisted world in the dead of night! You’ll be fired through a gauntlet of twisted metal then dragged up 100ft before being dropped through sharp rotating blades. Will you survive?”

Do people actually do that for fun?

Or you could try the Mighty Samurail

“Only the bravest of thrill seekers will conquer the challenge Say your prayers as you spin relentlessly through 360 degrees of stomach-churning terror, in one of the most extreme thrill rides the UK has to offer! This ride will show no mercy as Samurai slices and dices through the air reaching brutal forces of up to 5G’s! Be dragged backwards into a blind 127ft drop before hurtling through the wasted landscape in a series of gut-wrenching near misses, including, new for 2013, the mangled metal of a devastated billboard.”

Can you see the similarity?

Yes for some the rollar coaster comes to a sudden end, and you may get to climb off and not be called back on board for months or possibly years. (5 months in my case), But you never actually leave the park. Meanwhile you wander around grabbing hold of any exciting but much less dramatic amusements on offer. You can eat and drink, have fun, laugh and cry, you may even being to work whilst in your park but you ain’t leaving it. It dictates your life from here on in. You become acutely aware of your body, for every sign and signal that will have you rushing to the First Aid tent, or in my case Accident and Emergency department.

My letter formally stated in medical terms the findings from the MRI scans and clinical examinations. It described a large number of ‘red flags’ warning signs that MUST not be ignored. The gist of it being, the bones in my spine (T12 to be exact) have come in for some pretty serious hammering from the myeloma. A mass has also formed around it. This puts my spinal cord at a pretty significant risk of developing Cauda equina and conus medullaris syndrome. In lay terms this is a bunch of nerve cells popping out between the vertebrae with the risk of permanent irreversible damage. Hence the reason for the ‘finger up bottom’ test. The good thing is at least everyone is aware of this and we will take precautions to avoid it happening and the chemo should help. So it’s not all bad, and like I and the Macmillan nurse said “knowledge is power”.

When writing these posts it really is difficult to know what to include. The last thing I wish to do is give my family and friends more to worry about, but at the start of the Blog writing process,I promised my honesty. Also lots of people reading this are on their own myeloma journey and may find this sort of information useful, although myeloma is such an individual disease. Anyway I do apologise for any difficulties this may have caused you and Thank You from the bottom of my heart for your continuous support.

Looking on the bright side I am on the whole feeling physically and mentally very well and particularly enjoying our various projects that we have on the go. I have not even had any real succumbing to do as yet!

Today Kate will kindly take me up to the hospital and I hope for an even smoother experience, as I have still got yesterday’s cannula already in place.

Keep up your own energy levels and positive mental health state, I hope I can act as a good example as to how this works for me.

Thank you for listening.

Deborah xxx

Simply the best…

…..day I have had for a long time. Shopping is my kind of pain relief, thank you Kate for dreaming up this new form of therapy. Yesterday after swiftly getting my bloods done and dropping the dog off at Weston we swopped our car for the motorhome and headed for the shopping centre at London Colney

We divided the day into 2 halves, breaking off for lunch and a good sleep in the middle.
The first half was a little disappointing, as the dresses that looked so promising
on the shop dummies looked very different on me. But I did spot a lovely scarf in the
window.

The next stop after a lovely lunch,long sleep and cuppa proved to be a great success. Luckily for me Colin enjoys shopping almost as much as I do. So we must have spent 3 hours in Marks and Spencer’s, which has a great range of summer clothing in at the moment. Suddenly Colin noticed the time, and remembered that the shopping centre car park has new restrictions with a hefty £70 fine if you stay over 5 hours. They sneakily photograph you as you enter and leave the massive car park. We were about ten minutes over so are very likely to receive a fine which rather spoils a fantastic day out. I shall appeal of course, well honestly five hours isn’t very long especially for someone like me who requires a sleep in the middle of proceedings!

I am so delighted with the clothes I came home with and had to try them on all over again. I would show them off on here but I don’t want to spoil the surprise, of what I am probably going to wear for the party. Let’s just say it’s not usually something you would wear during the day, and leave it at that!

Well I’m off to chemo today in good spirits. I really do think I have turned the corner as far as the neuropathic pain is concerned, now lets just hope that this new chemo drug doesn’t leave me with any nasty side effects.

Looking forward to seeing my best friends over the weekend.

Love from a very happy, back to my old positive self, Deborah. Xxxx

I’m a celebrity get me out of here…

…well to be fair I never really got in. I arrived at the Hospice at the set time, bags and all, and was shown to a very nice single room. On my way down the corridor I past the room of rest, with a sign on the door saying who to think and pray about that had passed away that week. I really didn’t want to be added to the list and however much I tried to remind myself that this was a good place to be, that would get my pain properly managed, I wanted to go home. My pain has felt more manageable ever since the trip out with Kate to Laura Ashley.

I had only just got time to put on my slippers and work out how to manage the reclining chair before the nurse and doctor appeared to assess my pain and make a plan for my stay. How do you explain to the doctor you had only seen a few days ago, that a shopping trip had worked like magic? However he was very understanding and took into account the increase in Amitriptyline that he had recommended on Friday. After a few tears, which seem to appear every time I think about my loss of role at work, he decided to up the dose even further. So I am now taking 50mg of Amitriptyline which is the dose given for depression. We agreed that this could knock the pain and low levels of depression both on the head at the same time, and best of all that there was no reason to stay as an inpatient. I can’t tell you how delighted I was to be driven back home again. Mum and Dad were house sitting as we were expecting a delivery of laminate flooring for our new room, so when I returned, I felt this time as if I was in an episode of the Apprentice where the group wait to see who has returned from the board room.

I spent the rest of my day resting in celebration of my quick escape and contemplating my next episode of treatment that begins with the chemo on Saturday.

I had exciting email from my lovely nephew in LA with a picture of a signed poster especially for me. It is of the great country singer Tim Mcgraw and although he hasn’t quite spelt my name correctly it will still be exciting to receive it when Seb comes over for the party.
image
One of my favourite songs of his is ‘Live like you are dying’. It brings back memories of Colin and I singing it at the top of our voices as we travelled through Europe in our motorhome, ignorant of what was to come.

http://youtu.be/TNWg5DlWVa8

Deborah x

A trip into London..

.and we are already on the move. I have got to enjoy my lie in nowadays, I expect the Amitriptyline has something to do about that. So it wasn’t easy to get up and in the bath by 6 and out of the house by 7am. There was a time, not that long ago, when I would have had no problem being into work by this time. I enjoyed the half an hour or so peace and quiet before the other early birds joined me. Those days, although only about six months ago, seem far in the distance now but we have a plan.

Yesterday my lovely pain nurse Louise (I hate calling her that, but palliative care nurse doesn’t sound much better)came to visit. If you need anything to get going, Louise is your girl. She arranged an appointment for me to see my Psychologist, Daria tomorrow and to meet up with one of the hospice doctors to learn a little bit more about Ketamine. I know I wasn’t too keen in 1) going into the hospice and 2) taking Ketamine but I really have had enough of the endless pain ruining my quality of life.

Today I will discuss the above with my consultant and ask for a referral to a neurologist who may be able to help me better understand nerve pain. I will also be speaking to him and my transplant nurse about the time for my harvesting. I must admit, I yet again think the NHS is doing me proud. I have a team of specialists who I feel are working with me on finding the best options for killing the cancer and curing the pain. It is such a shame that the Velcade caused me to have such an extreme side effect otherwise I would be a different person right now. I suppose at least I have increased my knowledge and understanding of pain and experienced first hand how disabling it can be. It is now beginning to obsess me and the greatest excitement in my day, is the thought of when I can have my next round of medication!

I have been invited out by my colleagues at the end of June which is pretty exciting but I will have to see how I am both physically and psychologically. I am sure they don’t want a blithering wreck spoiling things.

I am trying to do things for myself as I hate relying on all those generous people around me, but it isn’t easy. I just need to accept that and that I am not superhuman but I’d settle for just feeling human nowadays.

Deborah x

Just look at the time & Pain Special.

I used to try and get this blog out in time for people like my brother, who caught the early morning train. Then it was in time for my sister who wanted to read it with her breakfast after sorting out the horses. Now it seems it is more likely to be up ready for people to catch up with it in their lunch times.

Last evening and again this morning I received a couple of emails with ideas and useful suggestions for helping me to manage the pain I am experiencing. This is very timely as my pain seems to be getting worse and lasting longer which I didn’t think possible.

The email was from a GP who I don’t personally know but has read my blog, finding it through a twitter contact. I still marvel at the power of the net.

I am very grateful to her and know that some people reading my blog regularly, also suffer from chronic pain, I am sure she would be more than happy for me to share her wisdom and ideas with you.

The first is Magnesium -this important mineral can be helpful with general aches and pains. It can be used in the bath – Epsom salts are Magnesium sulphate. Put a kilogram in a warm (not too hot) bath and soak for 20 minutes. If it helps- you can get a 25kg sackful from amazon or http://www.justasoap.com. If you have specific muscle aches, BetterYou do a magnesium chloride spray which you can use topically on muscles which ache. The other way is to take magnesium orally but this can be laxative. Magnesium malate is the formulation I recommend. Magnesium can help with sleep too. We often have too much calcium relative to magnesium in the body and with your diagnosis this may well be the case.

The next suggestion is just about testing -I expect your doctors have done this but it’s worth just making sure they have checked your calcium, vitamin D and vitamin B12 levels. Low levels of vitamin D are so common in our cloudy climate and can aggravate aches and pains.

To help manage your pain and not let it dominate your life, you may find some tips on http://www.paintoolkit.org/ This is a great resource by Pete Moore. There is a work book you can get which can help too http://www.amazon.co.uk/The-Pain-Management-Plan-People/dp/0956662803 . It comes with a CD to help with relaxation.

Meditation can help lower pain levels. Mindfulness meditation – finding peace in a frantic world” by Penman and Williams -also with a CD includes some helpful calming exercises. By lowering your cortisol and stress hormones , you may find your sleep and pain improve.

There is also a good scaling tool that can be used to measure your pain so here is the link for that.
http://www.britishpainsociety.org/pain_scales_eng.pdf

And last of all some apps to help you sleep and relax can be found at http://www.withandrewjohnson.com/

Last night my lovely sister in law kindly popped around with her husband and a lovely homemade stew and dumplings followed by a little bit naughty but delicious dessert. Unfortunately my pain cut the evening short, it just seems to be spoiling everything nowadays!
Not to worry, my pain nurse is popping in today and I have an appointment with my consultant on Thursday so between us all we should manage to sort this mess out.

I may even get to see my grandson and daughter later who I haven’t seen for a while and I am sure will help me forget the pain alongside my best friend Oramorph.

I hope you have a pain free and happy day today.

Deborah x

Dress hunt

I’m trying to dream up and find, my perfect party dress for July 13th. The trouble is finding something I love in my size. In my dreams it will be a chiffon, lacy, cream, floaty affair coming just below the knee. With perhaps the odd daisy sewn on. I did find this amazing designer on the net and I thought I had bookmarked the site but sadly I can’t find it now. In reality I will probably be covered up as it does seem rather cold in the evenings, I am counting on the CC Smugglers to keep us up and dancing. I am really getting excited about it now, I just need to think a bit more about how to decorate the inside of the barn. Any arty volunteers most welcome, although we do have a few ideas in mind, but it’s rather a large space to cover.

Unfortunately I am sitting at the peak of the mountain as far as the pain is going, especially in the evenings when it becomes a killer and I just try to sleep to forget about it. Never mind I must be on the way down very soon!

Tomorrow we have plans to visit a museum that has one of the Wellington aircraft just like my grandfather used to fly, but it is quite a drive away so we shall just have to wait and see as far as my health is concerned, although I has been looking forward to it.

Today I will enjoy a pretty lazy Sunday. I hope you do too.

Deb x

Pleasure vs Pain

Yesterday following another tearful conversation, I thought I recognised the signs of depression creeping in. OK it is quite reasonable for me to be unhappy about the situation I am in. Only six months ago I had a job that I loved and that provided me with an identity, status and security. I am now not the Clinical Lead and Service Manager of Step 2, a service I designed and developed from scratch. So who am I and what am I to become? All of this is enough to make any one feel low in mood. But yesterday I thought enough is enough. Where was my usual Pollyannerish attitude to life? This was what really defined me. That creatively I could work with others and explore opportunities at the bleakest of times. Acknowledging the pain and grief but finding the light and something that together we could work on. Reframing the grey into a paler shade of white and the darkness into a moment in time, before the light was switched back on.
So I decided to take advantage of the sunshine and the fact that I had the time to lie on my sun lounger looking out onto the most magnificent of views. I started to develop another chapter of my book and visualise the money it was going to make and the fact that by writing this and delivering a few press conferences, provided us with the income we needed. Enough to spend the winter somewhere warm as we set off on our travels in the motorhome with no restrictions on when to come home. I thought about the annual leave that in the past I so carefully preserved, and then didn’t end up using as the end of the year was always too busy a time to take it. I decided I would exercise, just a little to start with every day.

So yesterday morning started pretty well once the tearful telephone conversation was over. Mum kindly bought me a lovely loose outfit to wear in the hot weather and we sat enjoying a leisurely lunch together. I then squirrelled myself away again in the motorhome for my ritual siesta. As the evening approached I enjoyed hearing about Sue and Angela’s adventures in France before meeting up with the party committee at Kate’s.

All seems to be going well with the party arrangements and much of the discussion albeit after a few glasses of wine (not drunk by me sadly:( ) was about how many flushes the porta loos would allow, and whether it was appropriate or NOT, to set up a mens urinal facility behind some sort of windbreak! More seriously, everyone is working so hard to make this a fantastic evening and I am sure it will be. We just need the weather to be on our side.

Unfortunately, hence the title pleasure versus pain I was in agony by the time I got into bed with the pains in my legs as bad as they had ever been. Honestly, I wish someone would tell me how long this peak was going to last as every time I think I have turned a corner it comes back to bite me.

Today is going to be a good day as will the whole weekend so please do enjoy yours.

Deborah

Ps I would like to give special thanks to Heather who is always so supportive and there no matter what and to Sharon who provided the new marvelous chocolate bar that was enjoyed by us all. And to Sue and Angela who have so kindly bought us over 30 bottles of wine for the party it is so much appreciated. When you think about all this what the hell have I really got to be depressed about!

Can I have a napkin please.

I was having trouble getting the tune about the margarine tubs out of my mind so had a look through some of the music videos and songs I had on my IPad. Oh dear my taste may not be the same as others. I mostly like country music but I found this one among my collection now I can’t get this out of my head!
http://youtu.be/dkYZ6rbPU2M
Yesterday I rather over did it a bit in the morning dusting and polishing whilst Kate kindly helped out with hoovering. Then mummy, Kate and Martin (our new found friends) came round in the afternoon, planting and strimming whilst I slept. It does seem so rude that I sleep whilst others busy themselves around me, but I honestly can’t do much else and find this very upsetting.

Today, I don’t think I have much going on so I will carry on preparing things for the party.
image
What do you think of my little candle holders? I need some more jam jars so please let me know if you have any.

Last night I naughtily put on an extra patch, don’t worry I checked on the Internet and found out that I could go up to a 100mg and further, so instead of a 50 and 25mg patch I thought I would go the whole hog and see what difference two 50 mg patches would make. What have I got to lose?

Today I have nothing in the diary so if any one fancies popping in for a chat feel free. It is meant to be the hottest day of the year but so far I’m pretty cold.

Enjoy your day

Deborah x

A different perspective.

Our view

Our view

Last night we decided to sleep in the motorhome, after all our best friends are sleeping in their’s, albeit their’s is in France and our’s is parked up in the drive way. But just look at the views!

Yesterday I slightly over did things, but I do so much want to be back part of the ‘norm’. I only wandered around the garden wholesaler’s for a couple of hours and I was floored. After lunch I managed to climb up into my bunk, squirrelling away the chocolate’s mum had bought earlier, and feeling like a naughty school girl skiving off school, I soon fell asleep.

Late afternoon I had a visit from a very valued member of the Step2 team. It was lovely of her to drop by and I had a little cry on her shoulder as I thought about the possibility of never returning to work. Work was a big part of my life, it provided many of the LAMBSS (those of you who are frowning with confusion need to read back to nearly the beginning of the blog), I required, filling up much of the boxes of love, autonomy, meaning and purpose, status and security. Those of you who know me well, will appreciate how difficult the sudden loss of these must be. I have to re-define myself, who am I now? I certainly don’t want to be defined by my illness. I need to see this time of change as an amazing opportunity. There is much of the world to explore, time to write and create and more time to spend with my family and friends. The frustrating bit is that while this bloody neuropathic pain is literally biting at my ankles it is difficult to move on. Still I need to give myself time and meanwhile I rejoice in still having you all there by my side. It’s surprising how even the seemingly small things can make such a difference. A card from a colleague reminding me that she is still thinking of me, an email from a practical stranger wishing me well, support from the groups of people on the net who are experiencing a similar journey with cancer, the very kind lady raising money for more cancer research by running The Race for Life. People in my local community and others as far away as Canada, Australia and America making comments on my blog, donating raffle prizes or just simply reminding me that they are there. I know I often say this but I really don’t think I would be managing this journey nearly as well without you. So I don’t feel ashamed in Thanking you again.

Today I must quickly get up and on with things. Whilst Colin has been busy building walls and re-designing upstairs, to create a guest come creative space room, the housework has been somewhat neglected. I must therefore pull myself together and use this mornings energy reserves to run around with the hoover and duster. I wouldn’t normally bother so much but we have some lovely new friends visiting this afternoon to help us, or rather mummy, with the garden. These new found friends I am sure wouldn’t judge us by the state of our home but one does like to make a first visit impression. This is especially important as they live in the most amazing country home with 20 acres of manicured land and a house to die for. Well not literally of course but you get my drift, once or twice a year they open their lovely gardens to the public to raise money for various charities. It is extremely nice of them to want to help us and I hope they will be coming along to the party.

Talking of the party we have a committee meeting arranged for this Friday (I think) just to check how things are going and if there is anything we have forgotten. We have about 130 guests coming along so far, and we really do want them all to enjoy themselves whilst raising as much money as we can for cancer research, so the planning is very important. I am really looking forward to it but if I keep eating cake and chocolate at the rate I am doing I shall be wearing one of the marquee’s never mind putting it up!

Well this is no good I had better get on, although I could chat away on here for hours.

Have a good day wherever you are in the world.

Deborah x

Black selfish shellfish…

…that get stuck in the car door! Yes I am losing the plot and I definitely blame the drugs! Perhaps, I am enjoying my mate Oramorph a tad more than I should, my pain nurse however said I can use him hourly if I need to. It seems to help me, giving this opioid based drug a sex and knowing he is there for me whenever I need him, is of great comfort. Yesterday I needed him a little less although he did make me feel pretty sleepy and that’s were the selfish shellfish comes in. I seem to be hallucinating in the moments between being awake and asleep. Yesterday I got my self in a bit of a tiss, worrying about this bloody selfish shellfish and how on earth I was going to get him in and out of the car with his wriggly spidery legs, honestly these shellfish can be very selfish at times! Colin finds the whole thing very amusing and has even taped some of my musings, which at this moment I am not willing to share. However if you do ever come across a selfish shellfish I am your girl so call me and I will come and sort him out. Now you can see what a kind of helpful psychiatric nurse I once used to be.

Yesterday I went to see the doctor at the hospice. This was a new one I hadn’t seen before and Colin came along with me for moral support, and just in case they tried to get me to stay there, longer than I think they should. Sally the lovely nursing sister also joined us, so it was two against two, hoping that is Colin remained on my side! Hospice doctors are different from the norm, in my experience so far anyway. It’s not like going to your GP were you nip in and nip out pretty quickly. I would more liken this, to a visit to a person centred counsellor. I told my story and the doctor, nurse, Colin and I then mused over some options. I then shed a few tears followed up with an explanation as to why this may have happened. This was then further followed up by me sharing my experiences of first hearing about my diagnosis, then after looking sympathetically at one another and about 40 minutes later we left. The outcome was that I could increase my dose of Oramorph and my patch if need be. If the pain became much worse I could be admitted to the hospice for some Special K. This is not a nice slimming bowl of cereal, although maybe the doctor picked up on the fact that this is what was required if I was going to fit into my nice floaty party dress. No this is, in fact Ketamine, a powerful drug that they need to administer over a 24 hour period hence the need to be admitted. The thought of spending the night at the hospice was a good enough drug for me so with that thought in mind and with my old old mate Oramorph by my side I happily returned home for another kip.

Today I shall take a trip out to the garden centre with my mother, just like old retired folk are presupposed to do. This will be followed up with a date with my old mate again and then after a quick lunch, a drug induced afternoon snooze. WOW, my life is so exciting at the moment, I expect our best mates who are currently parked up somewhere near Disneyland in France, will be green with envy when they read this.

I hope you all have an equally exciting day.

Watch out for any roaming selfish shellfish!

Deborah x