Today’s going to be a good day!

Starting off with this, please take a moment to listen before reading on, its quite uplifting.

http://youtu.be/BaQdwTsVtCY

That’s the spirit I am adopting, so no more doom and gloom, especially not on my birthday.

That doesn’t mean I am not going to be realistic. I will continue to share my ups and downs because you are all such good listeners.

Yesterday was a seven hour hospital marathon. It started with a good old cry in the Macmillan centre with the lovely Vicki reminding me that I am not Superwoman, and there I was looking forward to squeezing into that sexy outfit. I may just do that still.

It was then off to see Dr Rabin, there were no hugs, no mistakes, just him telling it as it is, in a calm professional manner, whilst I tried to pull myself together. So I signed on the dotted line to take part in the trial. This will enable me, to at least be in with a chance, of receiving the drug that we all think is the one best for me. Whether I win this lottery or not I shall be starting on 6-8, 28 day cycles of chemo in a week or so’s time.

Bring it on! This time I know what’s coming and I shall be ready for you!

Following my consultation, we got to hang out for another 3 hours in the Macmillan Centre, where we get free cups of tea, tissues and plenty of sympathy. We then made our way over to the main hospital and I was able to have my MRI scan slightly earlier than planned.

I really don’t recommend lying for 45 minutes in a narrow tunnel with back pain and worst of all hot flushes. And, just when I thought it was all over, they pulled me out only to give me an injection and send me back in again for a further 10 minutes. You don’t need to join any endurance boot camps and crawl under ropes and jump into buckets of ice water, the NHS has it’s own free course you can try and get through!

We had planned to meet Pollyanna at the hospital so we could give her a lift home. But our lives are not without drama and she turned up wheeling in one of her colleagues who had collapsed in the cab they were sharing. Whilst she sorted her friend out I put my mental health skills to good use. I must just have the sort of face that says come and tell me all about it. The room was crowded,so why pick on me? Do I have an invisible badge that’s says ex psychiatric nurse open for business?

So firstly it was a lady who was searching for her lost flask that she was worried might have been poisoned. Her poor grown up son was running after her and looking rather embarrassed, as she told me all about how she thought her shoulder had turned to glass and that she was pleased that the X-ray had confirmed that she would live another day. And, by the way, her son doesn’t tidy his room.

The second was a sweet elderly lady who felt she needed to off load her story and concerns. It was all about her husband and his move from one hospital to another after a suspected stroke, how he nearly had a yoghurt that he shouldn’t have and how she struggled to put credit on her phone. I found out she lives round the corner from my Uncle Jack, but I remembered my training about not offering lifts home to people who may prove to be a little unpredictable,and after the day I had, had anything could happen.

The evening ended up with sharing a lovely meal kindly offered by Pollyanna and we were eventually home by just after nine.

So today I appreciate Pollyanna’s kindness and I look forward to seeing friends and family.

I am determined to enjoy this birthday, so bring it on.

Deborah xxx